Crazy-Pops

This is just plain wrong:

Man severs penis to prove faithfulness

Firstly, OUCH! Secondly, how stupid can somebody be? If you sever your penis, you can't really do the tube steak boogie with your wife anymore and, even if she was faithful to you before, she's gonna get tired of your uniquely eunechian existance and go find somebody a little more, well, built. And thirdly, who the hell decided that it was more important to be more faithful to your wife than your penis? Seriously! Let's examine the ways in which your penis is better than your wife:

Your penis has been around since you were just a kid. In many ways, your penis is your best friend.

Your penis LIKES to get in your pants.

Your penis knows when you are horny.

You don't have to buy your penis dinner and drinks and watch a chick flick with it to get it all warmed up.

You don't have to make small talk with your penis. My penis, in fact, only likes long talk. Bah-duh-dum!

Okay, that's enough of that. But you get the picture. The next time any of you, ahem, "men" out there get the urge to lop off your John Thomas as some sort of sign of "solidarity" or "faithfulness" to your wife, stop and think. Think about who you really owe your allegiance to. I think you'll find him in your pants. In fact, I think you should pledge allegiance to your penis right now. For which it stands....