Crazy-Pops

Best. Band. Ever.

Your Pirate Name Is...

Cannibal Sultan of Timor

Hey fellas. Yes, I'm talking to you. Black, white, brown, yellow, red, gay, straight, androgynous, spotted, confident, shy, well-hung (blue state), not-so-hung (red state), comfortable with your sexuality (Richard Simmons), in denial (Dick Cheney), hungry, or no-more-deep-fried-bacon-for-me-thank-you-very-much.... If you, guy, have every wanted to truly feel like a minority, even if it means plunging even deeper into the minority abyss, do I ever have the gig for you: Go to an Ani DiFranco concert. The LQ is staggering.

Is it because:

a) He's being molested by 4 hands of women half his age? Approximately?
b) His son is starting first grade at a Denver Public School and that is not a smile, but a look of concern?
c) His improv troupe is on fire and is performing this Tuesday night?

The correct answer? C. And B. And, okay, A. What the hell, right?

If you're needing a laugh - and with school starting this week, who doesn't? - come down to the Avenue Theater at 417 East 17th Avenue, Tuesday night, August 22nd, at 7:30, for the ROUS "Back To School Spectacular." We'll be doing all kinds of fun things we've never done before and we're expecting a good crowd, so get there early to get a good seat. $10.00 includes a free drink. And, if you're lucky, maybe you'll be molested by hands, too. Choose your seat carefully.

And, yes, the Mixmaster is starting first grade tomorrow morning at a DPS school.
He went to a private Kindergarten at the Auraria Early Learning Center, so he's now going from a student/teacher ratio of 18/4 to one of 29/1. That's right - there are 29 kids in his class with one teacher. One teacher! Needless to say, I'm a little freaked out. I plan on getting involved over there so I can help out. In fact, the school lost his paperwork originally and we went in a couple of weeks ago and they didn't have him in the computer and I developed this attitude like, "Don't you know who I am? Oh, you will. You will. You're going to get sick of me." I did a lot of things with his pre-school and kindergarten: We built a house in kindergarten over several weeks, I went on field trips with them, and Emily and I taught them a bunch of improv games every week for 6 or 8 weeks. Which was really cool. If you've never known the joy of having eighteen 5 year olds respond to your command to "be a sandwich" you don't know what you're missing.

Anyway, one of the reasons I started my own business 6 years ago was just this: To be able to be involved with my kids' schooling. So I plan on investing a ton of time in his school, which, while crowded, has a very good reputation. And is only a block away from our house. But I'm still freaked out. 29 kids? Don't you know who I am?

Oh, and if you're still reading this and you can't make Tuesday or you want a double dose of comedy this week, check out my pals in Monkey's Uncle Comedy Improv Troupe tomorrow night, Monday, August 21, at the new Jazz at Jack's. www.monkeysuncle.info for more info.

In honor of Elvis's Deathday anniversary yesterday....isn't that a strange thing to celebrate? Anyway, in honor of the 29th anniversary of Elvis Eating One Too Many Roofy-Twinkie-Peanut-Butter-Banana- Sandwiches and croaking on the potty, I'm going to buy one of these: The Elvis Camera. Since I never had the chance to get my picture taken with the King, I'll take pictures of my friends with the King. Then I'll put up a website and post all my pictures of all my friends with the King. Hey, wait, who the hell am I kidding? I have no friends! Just kidding. I have a friend. You know who you are. Did you get my letters? And the fruit basket? I'm sorry about your cat. No more restraining orders, please!

This reminds me a little of the time Mrs. C (my wife) and I went to Memphis on, yes, a job interview (that's a whole other cautionary tale that I'll write up some other time. If you're from Memphis, you should not read it because it will not be nice to your town), and we took an afternoon and went to Graceland and did the tour. Now this was close to this same time of year so there were lots of Deathday flower arrangements and things all over the place and it was CROWDED! But we made it to the end, where they have the eternal flame, and people were standing there staring at the flame crying and Mrs. C and I could barely contain our laughter. I mean, sure, I like the kitsch every now and then. And, hell, I've actually been paid to impersonate Elvis for a corporate picnic and I wrote a play about an Elvis impersonator that I actually starred in and I've been to Elvis-O-Rama in Vegas, so I too am obviously touched by the King. Not in a weird, "Get your hands off of my Heartbreak Hotel" sort of way, but in a cool, embrace the kitsch sort of way. So I get that. But he's dead, people! He's been dead for 29 years! And if you go the Graceland and you see the jungle room and you see the faux-glamour of the entire place and you don't laugh, you don't have a sense of humor. Which I bet The King probably did. "Hey, check this out - I'm gonna make a fried PBB sandwich for the hell of it and let everybody know that I like them and see how long it takes for it - and the Jungle Room, which is hilarious - to become part of my legacy." So I think he was pulling a fast one on everybody. And when we got to the eternal flame and to the grave of Elvis's twin (who died at birth, IIRC) and people were crying, we thought it was funny. Like a picture of you with Elvis. Friend.

This is my new favorite picture. For more, check out Office Pirates and their "Women Walking Around At Lunchtime" series. It almost makes me wish I worked in the city.